Motherhood - two years on

Next week Little Miss S will be two which means two whole years of motherhood for moi! Well, let me tell you that it feels like I've been a mother my whole life. My brain cannot possibly process the fact that there were times when I was child free. 

Was there ever a time when I was able to sleep till noon on weekends? Was there ever a time when evening out did not have to be pre-planned a month in advance? Was I ever able to walk around my house without stepping on a crayon and nearly breaking my neck? Was there ever a time when making a decision did not involve me being left feeling guilty no matter which choice I made? Was it ever possible to devote my full and undivided attention to an adult conversation without wondering what is my child up to at the moment? Was I ever allowed to be a little selfish and self-indulgent? Did I actually buy those Louboutins or was that just a dream... When did I start preferring Mothercare to Selfridges? What did I do with all that free time? How did I live without my little darling? 

Motherhood is the most amazing thing in the world, but it's also hard. Yes, hard. No one ever tells you that it will be hard. Yes, you hear about sleepless nights, but that's just one tiny little aspect of motherhood. It is hard because no one ever teaches you about it. It's not like you can get internship at Motherhood HQ, is it? So every single decision that you make about your child is purely based on your own instincs (or Google). And God forbid, if for some reason the decision you make works out to be the wrong one, or is criticised by someone else, then you are left with one ginormous feeling of guilt. Oh yes, guilt goes hand in hand with love in motherhood. You decide to go out for the evening - feeling guilty, you decide to go to work - feeling guilty, you leave your child in front of Peppa the Pig so you can get some things done - feeling guilty, you decide not to take your child to a playgroup because it is pissing down with rain and you just cannot be bothered - feeling extremely guilty. The list goes on and on and on. I've never put so much thought into making decisions like I do now, because I now have future and well being of my child in my hands, and trust me, this can be a very daunting thing. 

Add tantrums, colds and sore tummies into an equation and it sometimes surprises me how us parents still manage to survive without loosing the plot (wine helps!). We brush off biscuit crumbs from our tops or houmous from our shoes (goodbye my gorgeous DKNY flats...), put on straight faces (or even a smile) and just soldier on. Being a parent one certainly has to learn to remain calm (no swearing in front of a child...I am still mastering that) and we do, but trust me, there underneath all that calmness, ocassionaly (often) there is a parent who is just about to explode! The main thing remains though, no matter what, motherhood (or parenthood) is the most incredible thing in the world. I cannot remeber the days when I loved and laughed so much. Or felt so proud! 

Cheers to a lifetime of motherhood! 

 

Second summer together!

I am a big girl now!

I just had a thought that this is Little Miss S's second summer in this world (although it seems that she has been in our lives forever). However, they seem to be so different regardless of a fact that we did pretty much the same things (holidays, barbecues, parks).

Last summer Little Miss S was a baby and this summer she is a fully established toddler.
Last summer she was very content with just playing on her mat (be it in the garden, park or beach) and this year we are very lucky if she sits still for five minutes without any bribery.

Last summer we (parents) had time for afternoon drinks in the sunshine whilst Little Miss S was happily napping in her pram, this summer I got soaked in sticky strawberry cider because I made an error of misjudging the distance between my glass and my child. She likes to remove everything from the table.

Last summer shopping for clothes in the actual shops where I could browse through things and try them on was still possible. This summer I know I only have fifteen minutes, so I mastered the art of walking quickly into a shop and scanning through all the items like a robot, then picking up something that caught my eye, paying for it and dashing out before the all-mighty tantrum begins (are they allowed tantrums before they even reach two?!). There is no time to think about the purchase or try and see whether I can find something better.

Last summer we could walk for hours whilst Little Miss S would sit happily in her pram, this summer she wants to push her pram by herself and there is no stopping her. On many occasions I would find myself walking past cute little shops without being able to go in there because my precious little darling wants to carry on pushing her pram forward!

Last summer I thought that giving your child chips is a crime, this summer they come as a 'life saver', if Hubby and I want to be able to enjoy our al fresco lunch.

Last summer white jeans were still possible, this summer - only for child-free evenings out.

Last summer was the best summer ever - and so is this summer.

'Manual labour' and other joys of Motherhood

Occasionally you do get to put your feet up...

Right then, after all those shopping trips, I thought I will write a post about something that is even closer to my heart than shopping. Motherhood. Now I'm pretty much an established Mama of the whole 19 months and I know, or think I know, a thing or two about a wonderful world of mothering...

When you don't have a child, you either hear people say that it's the best thing ever - absolutely yes, although all good things come at a price - or they ('lucky' people that have children) warn you about loss of freedom - erm, yes, it's true, and loss of sleep - we've actually been very lucky with this one, but I've heard some horror stories (although now I said it out loud, we will probably have a sleepless night!). Anyway, so these are the most obvious presumptions about motherhood. But there are literary thousands more.

Guilt, for example, appears to be the most 'popular' amongst all the mamas (and papas of course) I got to know. In pre baby days I never really thought about that, but guilt comes hand in hand with motherhood and all the love that you feel for your precious little angel (or devil). Once you are a parent you feel guilty about pretty much everything... probably to the point where you feel guilty about feeling guilty!

Worrying. I've just got over the fact that Little Miss S's hands will never be clean enough and that it's not the end of the world if she picks up an ancient looking biscuit crumb from the floor once in a while and eats it... At the beginning of my journey into motherhood I used to carry antibacterial wipes everywhere.

Frazzled brain. I constantly find myself thinking about ten things at a time. Whilst I think, I also make to do lists in my head (cannot do written lists), watch Little Miss S getting closer and closer to grabbing my BlackBery and smashing it to the floor, worrying about Little Miss S hurting herself and thinking whether I will need to buy a new BlackBerry. Feeling guilty that I'm not in control of the whole situation...This is just an example of many examples.

Manual labour. No one ever told me that there will be so much lifting involved in motherhood. So, you lift your child in and out of pram, in and out of cot, in and out of highchair, in and out of car seat, in and out of shopping trolley, in and out of bath... And if you are not lifting your child then you are lifting a pram in and out of boot (whilst holding your child and two shopping bags...maybe even a dog). And it's not just lifting, it's catching, running, bending over, jumping... I try to go to the gym in evenings (that's if I'm not being distracted by wine and My Hubby's delicious cooking ...), but by the time I get to the gym I already feel like I've done a triathlon. On a positive note - you are pretty much guaranteed a very muscly looking arms!

Women in your family




Multitasking

What comes to your mind when you think about those days (50s or 60s, depending on your age) when your grandmothers were bringing your parents up? Men at work, women at home? Full time mothers? Stay-at-home mothers? Domestic bliss?

For some reason we tend to believe that 'back in the day', all women stayed at home and men went out to earn the money. Alison from Not Another Mummy Blog wrote an interesting post about her fascination at the discovery that her grandmother was a working mother in the 50s and faced similar childcare issues as today's new mums.

This made me think about women in my family and actually, I've come to a realisation that I must be a first woman in our family (obviously only going back two generations) who is a stay-at-home mum (my freelance writing aside). Sounds a bit crazy to me, but yes, both my grandmothers were working mums with very successful careers and so was (and still is) my Mum who even managed to 'squeeze in' her PhD whilst I was a toddler! How do I feel about all this? Well, first of all very proud of my family. Secondly, happy with the choice I made and just grateful that I was able to do so. See, when my parents were growing up and then, when I was growing up, we had our close family nearby. Grandparents and even great-grandparents would contribute a lot to childcare. I was looked after quite often by my amazing great-grandmother when mum and dad were at work. I hated going to the nursery with a passion. My mum occasionally was able to take me to her workplace (she is a fashion designer amongst many other things) which was pure heaven for a 'little me', but on the days when she couldn't I loved nothing more than being spoilt by my great-grandmother, who was an exceptional cook (I must say her cinnamon buns beat the ones at the Nordic Bakery ). Both of my grandmothers were still working when I was a child, so they couldn't look after me through the week, but they contributed immensely on weekends and summer holidays.

For my Hubby and I the situation is very much different as we don't have any family members living within a close proximity, so had I decided to go back to the 'office', my Little Miss S would have to be in a care of someone else pretty much full time and I just couldn't do that. I know that some mums simply don't have a choice, so I do feel fortunate for not having to deal with a guilt of leaving your child behind... Well, that's one guilt less in my world of Motherhood.

Any ideas about women in Your families?

Happy 'Toddlerhood'

I had a couple of emails asking where have I disappeared as I tend to write a blog post a day (or that's the aim).
Firstly, I have been doing some research into eating habits around the world, so that's to come. Secondly, my child has recently 'lived up' to her title - a toddler! All of the sudden this huge burst of 'super active toddler' just came sweeping through. No sitting down for more than 2 minutes, moving around at a speed of Ferrari! Super fast. Super active! I love it though, no matter how 'desperate' the situation might become;) Things are on the floor, nothing remains on the shelves, everything keeps coming crushing down. I said word 'no' or 'ne' (in Lithuanian) about 100000 times a day! Little Miss S finds this word hilarious.
Apparently once babies get bigger, things become easier.... Umh, not too sure about that... Once they get bigger, you need strength of a triple Snickers bar combined with Lucozade to get you through the day. If I didn't like my food and wine that much I would probably disintegrate!:) In a 'pre-first Birthday' days Little Miss S had two naps a day and that was my time to get things done and regain composure. Now it is down to just one nap and so whilst my little angel is peacefully sleeping, I am running around the house in an attempt to make it habitable again.
Shopping used to be great once upon a time when Little Miss S just slept in her pram. Now she doesn't even want to remain in her pram (let alone sleep). She wants to try and destroy the clothes and eat the labels!:)
Car journeys are still good, train and tube journeys - not so good anymore. Little Miss S seems to have some sort of 'allergy' to public transport... Well, cannot really blame her as I'm not a great fan of it too.
I feel like I'm running two London Marathons a day! And of course I love it (she says whilst letting out a tiny sob). Little Miss S has developed her own personality which is so incredible to watch. This is an exiting time. Seeing her being so strong and determined when only just over a year ago she was so tiny and helpless.
Motherhood is the most amazing journey of discovery. Every single step is different. It's lots of fun with a pinch of frustration and a table spoon of guilt. And tons of LOVE.



My little treasure


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Make up, buns and other pleasures

Woke up yesterday and decided that  what I really really want is a cinnamon bun asap (simple girl at heart;). My great-grandmother used to make these pretty much on a daily basis as though it's a piece of toast! I should really learn how to bake them (and I will) but until then there is a Nordic Bakery in Soho. They do the most amazing cinnamon buns ever as well as other tasty things such as rye bread with salmon. Some of the Scandinavian food is very similar to Lithuanian food so for me it's a paradise! They also have a very chilled out atmosphere and great coffees. Plus, I think it's about time my Little Miss S is introduced to a wonders of a cinnamon bun (cinnamon is good for you, sugar - well let's be naughty sometimes).

So we ventured out into a central London... Train journey that should normally take us 20 minutes took us over one hour! I'm actually not surprised at all as this used to be a pretty normal occurrence when I was commuting to work on a daily basis (that's one aspect of my life that I absolutely 100% don't miss at all). Delays on trains and tubes is a nightmare. Now delays when you have a toddler with you adds the whole new meaning to a word 'nightmare'! After the initial excitement about being on the train (we normally drive), Little Miss S got rather fed up when the train just stopped and didn't move for at least 40 minutes! We went through the whole content of my handbag, smiled and waved at all the other commuters, but then she just got agitated. I mean I don't blame her. I felt like crying too from all the heat and frustration. Add the pain of teething (her teeth at the back are now coming through) and it's really not a nice place to be. So she started crying and I just tried to stay as cool as possible when you are wearing a winter coat and can't move. Then all of the sudden she stopped crying but only because she spotted something really 'worthy' her attention. Prada handbag. Not mine! Lady that was standing next to our seat! "Jesus, please don't play with her Prada handbag!!!" I mean (in pre baby days) if some other child played with my Prada handbag (I haven't got one, just imaginary bag) I would not be that pleased. But she did. She smiled and started talking to my darling daughter. Well, she either has lots of children, grandchildren or she is just plain mad! Or maybe just nice!

Anyway, eventually we arrived in Central London ( could have been New York after that journey) in one piece and my first port of call was ... Selfridges (forget the buns for now!!!). Little Miss S was calmly sleeping in her pram (angel!!) so I thought I'll use this opportunity to 'inspect' what's new;) So we entered the Beauty sections first. I thought I'll go and try some nude lip glosses when 'the angel has landed'!! Honestly, you know when I wrote about getting ready to go out and wishing I had a personal make-up artist who could pamper me without me having to sing ' head shoulders knees and toes knees and toes' whilst applying my mascara (no matter how much I love actually singing to my darling these days). Well, someone called my name?!! And it was Ina. My long lost friend. We haven't seen each other for over a year when we first met at my Hubby's Birthday party in Soho (she was the other half of my Hubby's then work colleague) and clicked on the basis of our mutual love of wine and all things pretty;) She is a self acclaimed personal stylist and make up artist for Trish McEvoy. "Oh darling let me re-touch your non exciting make-up!". Why not. Half an hour of someone applying 'all the nice stuff' on your face whilst you sit back and relax!! Luxury in my world these days. Little Miss S woke up by this time but she was entertained by all the other lovely make-up girls (chewing on a very expensive makeup - brush! shit!). I was in heaven after our very 'unheavanly' (or real life) journey. Bliss. I nearly fell asleep!

I never used Trish McEvoy before but their products are great. However, as I am not so much into the whole make-up business, I absolutely loved their perfume. It's called Sexy and it is Sexy! At £105 a little bit on the pricier side of perfumes, but absolutely delicious!
So armed with a 'new face', feeling like a Goddess, with a couple of purchases and a very content Little Miss S we ventured out to meet my friend and Cinnamon Buns (all this pampering make you hungry!).



































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Some of life's little pleasures now that I am a mum

Watching my Little Miss S play




Chocolate Truffles for lunch




Heels. Especially wearing them




Cute little shops that sell cute little things especially for cute little girls




Dinner time with my Hubby (with lots of tasty food)




Bath with a glass of red




Nice warm slippers;)




Candles. Lots of them!

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Come back Baby!!

There is a crisis in our household today. Huge crisis! All of the sudden there is no 'Baby TV'!!! Or any kind of children's TV! There is a problem with Sky but I just couldn't believe what a Huge problem it will create for me. I was very certain (until my Little Miss S reached the grand age of 8 months) that TV should be kept too an extreme minimum. However, when she started crawling it all changed! Baby TV saved us!:) I know now that if I want to get anything done then Baby TV is my greatest friend. Don't get me wrong, I don't just plonk my child in front of TV for hours (I'm not that evil plus it's pretty much impossible to plonk your toddler anywhere for longer than 20 minutes). Baby TV is there if I want to cook a decent meal, do some tidying up or just have a few 'quiet' minutes to have a cup of tea and write (at this moment I'm writing whilst running after my child around the house).
We already been out most of the day shopping, walking and singing songs at the toddler group, and now would be a good time to put Baby TV on so that some order could be sustained in the house, unfortunately, my 'dear friend' left me all by myself.
Looking forward to my 7pm glass of red more than ever. Oh, and the look on Hubby's face when he sees our 'not as tidy as every day' house;)
Come back Baby TV !!!




That's just the hallway!



Temporary friend Blackberry (I think I already lost half of my photos and the language has been set to Chinese!)

One step closer to perfection

I was thinking for a while about 'dos' and don'ts' of motherhood (there are literary hundreds) and then I came across this lovely poster on Pinterest. I think it sums it up perfectly.

You know when you get a new dog and then enter 'the dog owners world'. A completely new and crazy place with its own rules that you never knew existed. Don't let your dog 'talk' with another dog for more than 2mins, always say morning to fellow dog owners no matter how weird they look, carry a poo poo bag pretending you will pick it up, dog barking at other dogs - very bad behaviour (shame on you the Owner!). And it goes on.

So, you enter the world of Motherhood and it has this huge list of 'silent' rules no one really tells you about. You just learn as you go.
I had to google what 'soft-play' actually was ( God, it could be a anything?!!). Everyone was taking their babies to soft-play and I just didn't have a clue. Ah, now I know. I know so much that I could write another long post about it( have this love/hate relationship with 'soft-plays'). So there are rules and then there are 'rules' in the soft-play. For example, if another child pokes your child in the eye and your child starts crying, you just pick your child up, say 'awww', smile at the mother of the 'evil' child and say 'it's ok!' even though it's absolutely not ok and you would like to do something else!

Anyhow, one thing I do know is that you don't tell other mothers what to do with their own child unless you are asked or the woman telling you so is actually your own mother and you have a great relationship with her! We all have our own ways of bringing up our children but we don't need be told (again unless asked) what's right and what's wrong. Motherhood is filled with feelings of guilt and worries enough as it is, so we certainly do not need some 'Mother Earth Look At Me I Am A Super Woman' telling you how they had natural home birth with candles and jazz in the background and her Hubby sitting together with her naked in the birthing pool and then breastfed her child until the age of 3 with no chip or chocolate in sight (you get the gist). I have a happy, healthy child so my parenting ways must be working and you have your happy, healthy child then whatever you are doing is working too.

Oh God, I put my hands up and admit that I am guilty of being judgmental in the past. When Little Miss S was tiny I would look in disgust at other parents in the Pub giving a bowl of chips to their toddlers whilst they attempted to finish off their Sunday Roast. 'I would never give my precious child such a nasty food as chip, I will bring my own home made food to the Pub for her to eat', and I did until I realised that chips or any other 'picky foods' are the best ways to entertain your toddler whilst you are trying to eat your dinner and have some sort of conversation with your other half or your friends. Otherwise just don't go out to any food/drink establishments because toddlers will not sit still at the table with you for longer than 20 minutes tops!

I still have a 'list' (in my head of course, I haven't actually written these things down!!) that I might discuss with my Hubby or close child-free friends, but it's a much shorter list and it's not called 'I will never ever' more like 'I don't really think it's right but then no one's perfect'.
Happy Guilt Free Sunday!


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